Vomit Tally

As I have before, I get anxious.  Mainly before I have to give my speech.  Recently I have started throwing up as a result of my anxiety.  I am going to keep a sort of a tally.

The first time I threw up was at the first over night tournament.  I threw up once the night before and twice the next day.  It was terrifying.  Speaking in front of an audience that is judging you maliciously and writing the judgement down?  Now that is just evil.

Three times so far.

The second event of throwing up was when I was at the second over night tournament.  I threw up once the day before and once the day of, with a bought of dry heaving inbetween.  Having eaten breakfast before seven o'clock, around 1:30 nothing would come up.  I'm pretty thankful for that, but at the same time it was still... not fun.  After I ate lunch (and before my last round for that tournament) I threw up most of what I had eaten.

Alright, so that's five.


The UPS tournament (Friday the sixth and Saturday the seventh) was a bad one, at least when it came to my nerves.  I only threw up once but during my first round I shook quite terribly.


So far that makes six.

I apologize for this being my most recent post, however soon it will be hidden away (like Song of the Day).

Items Are Expensive

I am going to go to state for Speech and Debate... and I am going to place.  This has become my sole purpose in life.  To better score at tournaments, I must be more prepared.  I need to memorize my speech in its entirety.  An easel is needed to hold up my posters.  A bag-type thing to hold my posters in between rounds and the trip to and from tournaments is needed.  I found a wicked awesome bag to hold my posters, but it was about $60.  Before tax.  My parents will pay for half if the 40% coupon for the store works.  Alright, so about $20 for me to pay–awesome.  That's not too expensive (I say "too" because I have no job, therefor no way to get money).  An easel... Metal or wood?  Where the heck do I even find one?  Things really add up.

Memorizing my speech has been difficult for me; I love my speech, but I mix some things up.  I will think that I have repeated myself or omitted something entirely.  Oft I have not, but it is discouraging.  I love practicing, but when I practice with Erin, I get nervous.  I don't know why, and I can't really tell if I care at this point.  I flail too much and eye contact feels like the time Chandler just told Owen that he was adopted.  How will I survive this jungle?

Coffee is Black Nectar From Heaven

Having recently gotten an Xbox, I have been playing it as often as possible.  Last night I stayed up playing Gears of War 3 live until about 2:30.  Why?  Because I got to wave 36.  That is something that was previously inconceivable to be.  I was able to get to wave 19 with the groups I was in, but then we would all die.  I made it so far that I was planning on not sleeping at all that night.  I was more afraid of my parents catching me than doing horrible at school.  The only reason that I went to bed was because I lost connection with my group and decided to give in to my fears and paranoia.  I read some of the book about Robin Hood that I am reading for merriment and made a few paper cranes, which are another story entirely.



After enough coffee, I start to get jittery.  Having forgotten breakfast, this set in much sooner than I had anticipated.  Colin gave me half of his sandwich, though, (such a nice young man) and I wasn't too shaky.

I had a very large amount of coffee the following morning before school and during school.  I had my last caffeine shot before I did anything, and I need to buy some more soon.  So yes, I do believe that it was purely caffeine that was keeping me standing.  Thank God for caffeine or I would be a lifeless creature of stupidity during the aftermath of my late-night video game stints.